I was lying awake in our living room when I obliviously staring on one of the laminated photos hanging on our wall. You could tell that they were taken some centuries ago for they are not clear. I held it close to see it clearly. It is a rectangular shape made of thick piece of wood. It has four photos on it. Two photos of myself with my mom on the upper right and lower right and two photos of myself alone on the upper left and lower left side. I am fascinated by those photos, was wearing a dirty white dress with a pair of socks and a pair of rubber shoes except for the photo on the lower left. I was wearing a pair blue shorts, pair of blue slippers and a white shirt with some strokes of blue on it and I had a black straight shiny hair way then. And I am more fascinated by this photo than the other three. I was 4 years old then.
As I was looking on that photo, I was wondrin’ and thinking what it was then? Perhaps, things were easier and smoother, days were simpler and slower. Perhaps, my only worry was my parents’ scary stories about a monster that would eat me if I wouldn’t chew and swallow the food in my mouth. Perhaps, I would only cry for a toy was snatched by a playmate, or perhaps, I would only cry for a small cut in my skin. I feel so old when I realized that I could hardly remember how was being a 4-year old. Somehow, I was talking to myself and could not help but asked, “What do you want to say to your 4-year old self?”
Hard as it may seem, I would tell her that things in the world are scarier than the monster in your parents’ stories. Have more friends and go crazy with them but choose a few ones that you would trust. Go to school, study hard,share your knowledge, play around, sleep hard, play hard, eat well, shout if you really need it but keep your silence if all you want to say are bad things. Be kind to yourself and to others. Follow the rules then break some. Make every effort to reach your dreams but if perhaps, things are not allowing you, let it go for a while. Explore and experience but beware of your limits. What people would say about you doesn’t matter. If ever you’ll screw things while exploring, face the consequences and learn from that experience. Don’t blame people if you fail. Try harder. After all, you will reap your success alone. Look back from where you’ve been. You are responsible to yourself. You would choose what do you want in your life, so be careful in choosing. If ever you are uncertain, just take your time to think and decide. Travel more and have a good time. Love your parents. Love yourself and love the people that love you and let go of the people who don’t. Smile, dwelling on bitterness leaves you behind. Shut your mouth hard if you are angry, cry or wail if you must. Don’t make promises even if you think you could make it. Loosen up your pride and say sorry. Being compassionate is important. And lastly, pray to our Lord, ask for His forgiveness, say thanks and praises to Him, adore Him and, ask for His guidance and ask for the things that you would need and want. I tell you, He knows everything what you want right before you ask it to Him.
This might sound only a few but I am dying to say these things to my 4-year old self. It’s been a lot of years and there were a lot of things that happened too since I was four. And at this age, I may not still fully aware of everything yet I’m grateful for the Good Lord has provided me with good years, along those years are joys and sadness, they may seem not the most beautiful years yet it taught me a lot about life, and that what makes it beautiful, anyway.
Do you also have something to say to your 4-year old self?