Friday, September 7, 2012

in the midst of contentment

Yesterday afternoon, I received a mail on my outlook from my supervisor, titled: OT IS A MUST, but it was an empty mail. Why mailed it when we knew what to do then? After a couple of hours, she mailed back in the same thread, “LET ME KNOW ONCE YOU’RE DONE, yada yada yada.”

I was planning to sleep early tonight but it turned out the other way around, my phone says it’s now 10:02pm. I can’t sleep yet, though I already accepted that I lost my job yesterday. I should’ve seen it coming as early as it should be though earlier that morning I knew what would happen later (I was warned you know).

Nevertheless, I decided to laugh many times during the day just to cover up the resentment, and so I laughed, faking that I was all feeling good when I wasn't. I wanted to hear from them the words I dreaded to hear, that they want me out. I was very aware of what the mail was meant, “why prolonging the agony?” I whispered when I wanted to scream it.

So we’re summoned (my colleague and I) at the HRD, we’re accompanied by our sup. We waited like 5 minutes or more in a small room where we had our technical exam and our final interview before we were hired seven months ago.

I was freezing during the exam, I remember. Perhaps, they set the AC to 15 degrees, I was taking the exam with four people and they are all boys. It took me three hours to finish it (though not a very long one but I consumed more time reviewing it), I was drained then and so hungry like a fox in a cold winter, hmmm, I wish I perfected it. The final interview was almost intimidating because I was squeezed, I had my answers well said, perhaps, because I was hired then. 

Sweet, it feels like they've all happened like a week ago and they’re dumping us now, ouch!!!

I was starving, the HR staff hasn’t arrived yet, I want to go now. My colleague and my sup were talking, I didn’t want to listen, I didn’t want to talk, but I forced myself to talk when the situation asked me to. The HR guy arrived, his eyes are like of those Chinese people, he's not tall for a guy, he speaks English, not once he used a vernacular, talks fast and so I never got all of what he said. He then gave us 2 papers each right away and each 2 were attached – it was our evaluation. He gave us time to read it. Obviously, I didn’t pass. I skimmed reading it, I was in a hurry, “this place is very narrow”, I thought. He asked if we wanted to see the data on how they came up on that. We shook our heads right before he finished asking. Jeez, ‘can we make this fast, I want to leave, I wish you knew!’ this is not easy like what happened to my other colleagues yet in the end you can’t decline from their choice. Just surrender your company ID, put your signature over your printed name, put the date on it, and get lost! Weeeeeeeee…

Did I just sound bitter? I apologize if I did. I’ll be good in this paragraph, I promise, because behind those words above are the friends I’ve collected while I was there. My camaraderie was never wasted. I only had a small amount of time working there yet I’ve captured some hearts and made a few friends. I enjoyed their company like they enjoyed mine but it was interrupted by a luck of a business nature or I don't know what to call that. I wish I’ve stayed longer with them. I’m delighted that in a few moments of their lives, I was there and have me as a friend, and when I say friend, I really mean friend. I don’t want to name names, you guys knew who you are.

To my colleagues who have been kicked too, it’s okay to be sad for just a minute, don’t take it too long to mourn for that loss. If you think it is like what I thought it was, and it might sound that we lose, I tell you that it's not really our loss anyway. They are actually moving us to grow, as their theme says . Let’s just be grateful instead, for there are greater opportunities await in the corners, isn’t it wonderful? I knew there are hard feelings on the air but time is so fast and it might leave us if we are to dwell on that though I knew it's obnoxious but I knew we can keep these all rocking.

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