Wednesday, July 27, 2011

we're no young

i've never really witnessed how time ran so fast.. i could only remember how young the days were and so were we but time now hits real faster than before that i could not almost grasp every moment., time now is getting older and i miss the young days of my life with them. i couldn't remember everything but i like to reminisce 'em, good or bad, forgotten or not, and when almost everything was naive and the serenity therein craves to get hold of the past,. and when all i worried about was nanay's long reprimands, and how to take a nap in the afternoon when i wasn't sleepy,lol., in retrospect, i've always wanted to get old but now i knew that getting old in this crazy somehow imperfect world is quite hard. and now being surrounded with everything, your choices and decisions really matter and your own fate will depend on your actions.. botbot, hehe, nah seriously, we may not millionaires but i just admire how we grew up and how we were being brought up.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

it's really been awhile,

After a decade, i went back to SIPS (San Isidro Parish School), where i spent my four years in high school. As i was approaching, i didn't feel anything except that i badly needed to get my diploma (me clumsy, me lost it). But when i reached the ground of the school, hell yeah, that very ground, it felt like years were turning back when i stepped on it. i may not remember all the events that we spent there during those days but it feels like home. as i've looked around, there are changes in the school, big changes actually (glad and proud) and the smell of the air  that i breathed was very familiar and there was a pinch i felt in my heart and sadness enveloped me. I never knew i miss high school not until this morning. Marvelous! (this was taken from my journal dated may 09, 2011)

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

i've got stinky, i've got dirt but see i've learned

guada, titing and ferdie
thank you guys for your help, 'preciate it

It was 7am.The sun was dazzling and its heat stung. I found myself climbing on a stair to reach a room, it was an old office. I was going to report to my newly found job. I was excited, it's a chance for me to learn something new, a chance to experience a different task. I wanted to explore. It was indeed very different from the job i carelessly left in exchange of my exploration (stupid, i never had a second thought). The first few days were doin' fine but i could tell that i was not happy. Yes, i wasn't but i gave it a chance and in time i will, i told myself one day. Indeed, each day i gave it a chance, i never thought of being unhappy. I worked for the sake of living and i rejected the little thing that my mind and my heart was telling me: that each day was a struggle.

Time was running like a blowing wind, so fast. I didn't see any betterment, rather my situation was deteriorating. I was far from being good. I felt like a thousand years old waiting to unleash my desire to move out. So, i did it and i was very delighted.

Several months passed, i never met a job so i decided to retrieve the unhappiness, i came back after leaving (pity). Nah, i just thought that things might be different than before, so i gave it a chance again. I concentrated on my work again, i was trying to see things good even if they weren't, i did everything to like it but it was not allowing me. I was a fraud all along trying to blend in but i didn't feel like i did. It was very tough for me. Until one hot afternoon, fate found a way to dig me from being unhappy, i was being ditched. The way it did was somehow obnoxious, i felt a pang somewhere in my chest, i was destructed, i didn't know what should i do except leaving without marking my time out in the morning (clumsy). It was offensive yet i was being freed.

Nevertheless, that part of my life taught me to appreciate the every things in life, regardless of their size and weight. I learned to take each pace slowly and always be grateful. I learned to look each side of everything, that what you see is not always what it says, funny how i usually say this to some people but i just learned it.

To my colleagues who took time telling their stories to me, thank you for wasting your time with me, lol. They might appeared devastating to me but it taught me to pursue things even if pursuing is not vivid. Yet, your stories of contentment to what is given had inspired me to keep moving.

Now i'm thinking, that exploration was beyond experience. Really, i learned a lot. Life is not easy as it may seem but let's bear and deal with it. It sometimes might seemed unfair but life is still beautiful you know. We are making a history of our very own selves. We have choices. You chose what you've chosen. As the cliche that goes, "i'm a master of my own destiny", what have you become right now is your choice, not mine, not anyone else's choice and definitely not God's.

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