Sunday, June 20, 2010

have i been???

The wind is getting chilly and the only thing I heard is the hard pouring rain on the roof. I'm lying and gazing blankly at the ceiling when i unconsciously put myself into thinking, how did I blunder? I detest the consequence of how my life shambles.

I've made another poor choice, a very stupid decision, I might say. And it sank to me that I was deceived by my luxurious thoughts. I realized that this clumsiness was because not letting God to intervene. There I was stunned and full of regrets. There's no way I could turn back time. No man could. Nevertheless, I'm grateful because this illumination had helped me drew myself more to God, not just to keep the faith but to deepen it and likewise to be fully dependent on Him.

Lately, I've been writing like this and it feels so different. My intention in this post was not to come up like this but in the midst of my composition, I felt like putting God's holiness here. I may sound over to you or corny even but it's so fulfilling. I actually, don't always attend mass in the church yet I knew somehow that God is working on me. My parents sent me to a Catholic school to grow in His faith. I've spent four years of my life in there but I don't see and feel anything like this, really never been like this and never had this trust and faith before.

I just had goosebumps after writing this stuff and now I'm alarmed. I don't know what really had happened but I'm lovin' this.

Friday, June 18, 2010


The "yucky" words were running in my mind as i scanned the pornographic magazine handed down by a classmate but i enjoyed it. Afterwards, my eyes were really locked up in the TV screen. It was a man and a woman in their lustful desires. The moan of the woman gave me a headache but i enjoyed it.

I remember I was a second year in my college when a classmate offered me to watch a sex video. Her parents were gone for work, so we could watch it in their house. I was hesitant at first but out of curiosity I gave in.

I never had an idea that it's already a lust although I knew that it's a sin. There's always a feeling of guilt within but i also always ignore it. When I was in the midst of my lust, I was like, I could just include this sin in my confession soon, in which, I offended God more.

To lust is to bring havoc. I've seen families have been broken because of lust. Humans, the special creation of God are enjoying what's forbidden in His name. I'm scared of my sins but I'm more scared of theirs and wondrin' what God had prepared for their judgment.

I see that they have been swallowed by the big waves of lust in which it is one of the barriers from seeing God's sacrificing His only Son to save from their sins.

The more you keep away from lust, the more it comes. The more it comes, the more you fight. The more you fight, the more you struggle. The more you struggle, the more it intervenes. This is not as easy as I said it here because it's nerve wracking while you're at it.

I don't know how to end this because I'm still in my halfway reading 'not even a hint'. It's a good book. My roaming in the bookstore had paid off. I pray that this conviction will not be ignored, through Jesus Christ, our Lord, Amen.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

A response to William's 'Is God Unfair?'

I am not thinking of God's being unfair or fair not even before. There are some things in life that don't happen the way we want it to. I, actually, hate the thought but probably God has a purpose and whatever it is, i am certain that it is for good. It is just that sometimes we take things obnoxiously and you think that God is forsaking you, then you start to ask Him why's and get yourself separated from God. Then you get a miserable life and blame God instead of yourself because you think He left you when in fact, you left Him first. There are even times that I think ahead of God, I worry if He will forget me and make my life worthless, when the truth is He knows and has plans better than I do. Life, sometimes stinks but a prayer, a trust, a faith and your works will help you get through no matter how bad the situation is.

I see that God had provided us everything, and it is up to us, humans, on how to use 'em through His name because in the end of man's time we'll all be gathered and be judged.

I don't know if I see what you mean or even leveled it because I knew you are molded as a Christian and probably I just got 1/4 or even lower than that of your learnings. Oh please, correct me if I'm not on the same page as you are, I would love to get corrected, you know.

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